OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCES
Since I was a child, I’ve been always a night person. I remember wanting to sleep until noon and wanting to stay up late, very late at night. My parents would put me to sleep and I would be there in bed, so bored, in the dark, not knowing what I was waiting for. It was just so boring for me to wait to fall asleep because I felt so awake at night.
I used to play a game as a child that would help me kill some time. I don’t know for how long I played this game or how many times. What I remember clearly was the day when I couldn’t play it any more. I must have been around six years old. My father put me to bed, it was time to go to sleep. There was some light coming from the kitchen or another room, so I could still see and my bedroom door was always open. The back door of the house was in my bedroom.
After my father put me to bed and left, I sat up in bed. I looked at the back door with a little smile. It was fun to play this game. I would look at the door and I would imagine myself there. Then, I could see myself, from the door, sitting in bed. I would do this back and forth to kill time until I fell asleep. I remember the feeling of being fun.
Well, this one time I sat in bed and looked at the door and looked at the door... and nothing happened. I remember trying so hard to remember “how” it was that I was able to go to the door and see myself in bed. I thought I was doing something wrong and kept on trying. I couldn’t remember if maybe I had to close my eyes or keep them open. I thought maybe I wasn’t trying hard enough but it was never hard before.
Out of frustration I gave up and went to sleep. I remember how disappointed I was. That was a lot of fun for me to do and now I had forgotten how to do it... I fell alseep wondering if I would be able to play that game again.
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I used to play a similar game during the day in times when I was bored.
My parents had a Beauty Salon at home. The front section of the house was the business section and the rest was the home area. My parents had a girl who came in to do nails. She was nice and I used to like all the girlish giggling going on around her work. She’d be working on someone’s nails and having a few more girls around, waiting for their turn. As they waited, there was a lot of chatting and sharing among them. I guess like any child, I wanted to be part of it too.
I remember walking around them and being sent away because I was getting in the way. I didn’t mind it, they were never mean to me. The funny thing is that I would then go to this little room next to where they were and play my little game. Again, to kill time and have some fun. This room didn’t have a door, just a courtain. So I remember being inside of the room so they wouldn‘t see me. I’m standing on something because now I’m looking at them from above. I look at them by opening the courtain just a little to fit in my little face and see them. As I do this, I remember thinking that it’s ok if I was getting in the way and had to go away because I can do something else. I can think of myself among them and be there, without even leaving the little room. I can be right there, with them. It was great to be in the middle of the action without being in the way at the same time! How fun!
Well, I don’t know how many times I played this game. I do remember like before, the one day when I couldn’t do it again. There I was, thinking myself among them as hard as I could and nothing! I remember trying this with my eyes open and closed, not knowing what I could be doing wrong. I gave up out of frustration. I thought, “ maybe tomorrow I’ll get it right.”
During this last intent I did tell my mother about how frustrated I was and asked her what did she think I was doing wrong. Needless to say, my mother told me not to talk nonensense! She said I was imagining the whole thing. I also remember knowing that I was not imagining this but deciding not to go to her for advice again since she couldn’t believe me. I was starting to realize that maybe these games I was playing weren’t as common as I thought they were.
This must have happend at a very early age because I was at home during the day, so I wasn’t in school yet. Friends have also been throughout all my life a great source of support, during all ages, and I don’t remember talking about this with any friend. I don’t remember friends around me at this time, so I must have been very young.
I wish I knew how to go back in time and remember what it is I forgot about how to play these little games... Many years have passed since then and I still haven’t “gotten it right.”
No one has to believe me... I know these memories are real~
